I just thought we should talk about it, all that's happened, things are bad I know,
I've learned a lot about myself, over these past couple months, I wanted to share that I've grown,

that I've grown... I'm in a better place now I know... All I ask is for closure, then I'll go...

Going from wealth to poverty, at such a ripe age, sense of stability concaved,
Uncomfortable with the constant change, my mom brought on us, claims her life lost focus,
Always jealous of my friend's families, nuclear, wealthy, robust personas, so healthy,
I'd known before I'd even met your mother, I'd wanted a family, one of those beautiful families,

Ow... I wince at that mindset now... Always my answer, didn't ask why till now...
And I still don't know the answer now...


So OH! Because of that mindset,
I thought OH! If got your mom pregnant,
I could finally cultivate that sense of stability,
And give my boy, give my boy, what I never had,

So OH! When mom asked why start a family,
I said OH! Why start a family!?
Knew to pick at her fears, angst, love and desire,
Maybe not ready, but all opposition I defiled,


OH! When your mom died on that table,
OH! So, did my paternal desires,
With your mom gone, there went the comfort, my family,
One fell swoop, life's goal failed, fuckin' dandy,

And OH! I Don't even know if I mourned her death right,
And OH! I was just so distraught by my life's blight,
Never really grasped you were a person, obligation,

Jesus-

You weren't born to be raised [x3]

No- No-

You were born to fix me


I understand that's a lot to take in, but that's my revelation, that’s what I've come to tell you,
When I learned the clinic distorts your memory, It just took me a while, to pull myself out of my spiral, but,
After I learned that I wanted to tell you, so I could save us from dulling, our once sharp minds to a stub,
But of course I couldn't do it, I'm down the well deeper, than I know how to get myself out,

I just- wanted to let you know… I just wanted to let you know... I just wanted to let you know...


Self awareness is a bitch when you, don't know how to maintain, a semblance of self control,
What I wouldn't give, to have my desires align with what I logically know is best,
Pernicious guilt piles on top of my impulse, inner monologue impotently protests, before coming along for the ride,
Once it caves in from the fatiguing process, it justifies its existence, by satirically rationalizing

Hey bud, there’s something this is culminating to, there’s something I gotta ask you,

Bud,
Bud,
Buddy…


So let me just ask you, come out and ask you- w
What do you think of you and me, tomorrow, just spend a little time alone in the house?

Just you and me,
Cause if I leave,
If I get in that car,

I will relapse

So... what’d you say to that?
What’d you say to that- huh?
What’d you say to that?!
What’d you say
Wh-


This has to be the longest he's been gone,
And now he's asking me to help him move on,
Why shouldn't I help him out?
He’s my dad ain't he, isn't that what this is about


but fuck- I’m losing my faith in his capacity to change on his own,
Reflection ain't much, when you don't act on what you now know,


and shit- I know the clinic fucked me- I know the clinic fucked me, I remind myself every day,
I could barely pull myself away-
I want to help you, I want you to see that I can help you but,
What can I even do?

What can I even do?

Not chasing fantasy must of been what grandma was getting at,
But I guess she was just so stubborn and exhausting you'd retract

Funny how the only thing you two shared, was the love of Correctivism,
Funny how you two then split hairs on the lyrics meaning,
Ironic, I always felt it encapsulated both your feelings...

...God I miss her


I know her death means nothing, in the grander scheme of human suffering,
I was born a trophy son, a mistake by one, I know that now, I feel nothing

fuck me Why do I think like this, why do I think like this...

I keep putting other people’s pain before mine,
Fatigue from the selflessness of help has logged its time,

Oh! But you can't be a good person if you don't do something about the pain of others,
Why can’t I lump in my own pain as easily I do the pain of others,

I wish I could treat my own pain as I do others,
I want to treat my own pain as I do others,
I need to treat my own pain as I do others,

Oh, not this time-

I will treat my own pain as I do others, [x3]

I will